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“I am convinced that poets are toddlers in a cathedral, slobbering on wooden blocks and piling them up in the light of the stained glass. We can hardly make anything beautiful that wasn’t beautiful in the first place. We aren’t writers, but gleeful rearrangers of words whose meanings we can’t begin to know. When we manage to make something pretty, it’s only so because we are ourselves a flourish on a greater canvas. That means there’s no end to the discovery. We may crawl around the cathedral floor for ages before we grow up enough to reach the doorknob and walk outside into a garden of delights. Beyond that, the city, then the rolling hills, then the sea. And when the world of every cell has been limned and painted and sung, we lie back on the grass, satisfied that our work is done. Then, of course, the sun sets and we see above us the dark dome of glittering stars.”
– Andrew Peterson

I blog. Kinda.

Definitely my new favorite hymn.  John Newton wrote this one.

Listen to Red Mountain Church (this is a link to listen to it, really good)

Pensive, doubting, fearful heart,

Hear what CHRIST the Savior says;

Every word should joy impart,

Change thy mourning into praise:

Yes, he speaks, and speaks to thee,

May he help thee to believe!

Then thou presently wilt see,

Thou hast little cause to grieve.

“Fear thou not, nor be ashamed,

All thy sorrows soon shall end

I who heav’n and earth have framed,

Am thy husband and thy friend

I the High and Holy One,

Israel’s GOD by all adored;

As thy Savior will be known,

Thy Redeemer and thy Lord.

For a moment I withdrew,

And thy heart was filled with pain;

But my mercies I’ll renew,

Thou shalt soon rejoice again:

Though I scorn to hide my face,

Very soon my wrath shall cease;

‘Tis but for a moment’s space,

Ending in eternal peace.

Though afflicted, tempest-tossed,

Comfortless awhile thou art,
Do not think thou canst be lost,

Thou art graven on my heart

All thy walls I will repair,

Thou shalt be rebuilt anew;

And in thee it shall appear,

What a God of love can do.

After having it brought to my attention, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the idea of pursuing greatness here on Earth & pursuing greatness in the Kingdom of God.  And honestly I’ve spent more time than I probably ought to have thinking about and comparing myself to people I know who definitely pursue greatness on Earth more than myself, of course this was in an effort to avoid really evaluating myself and seeing the truth of it all in my life…

This all came into view when I was reading in Matthew 6, specifically when Jesus is warning about fasting in verse 16.

“And when you fast, do not look gloom like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others.  Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you fast, anoint your heard and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” — Matthew 6:16-18

I had never once really actually thought about “they have received their reward”.  For some reason this time it stuck out to me and really made me think.  They have received their reward.  Not, they will receive their reward. They HAVE.  Which got me thinking, what have they received by fasting?… and the answer was obvious, the praise and glory of men.  Maybe the admiration of men, or the approval of men, maybe even for their own temporary feeling of self-worth and affirmation.  Which is when I promptly began thinking about other men and women I know who may or may not do things for the glory of men, or affirmation from others; as well as when I decided that they seek the ‘glory of men’ more than I do… ha, of course to belittle the reality that I struggle with this too.

Once I caught myself comparing me and others, I stopped, but then had to evaluate where this plays out in my life.  And I really do struggle with it, but I hadn’t thought about it before and it certainly hadn’t ever thought about their being a difference between seeking greatness among men, and seeking greatness in the Father.  Especially because it’s so easy to think that if I am admired in my Christian circles and influencing others in a Christian sub-culture than surely that’s what I should be doing.  But sometimes even if that is the case, I am receiving the glory for being wonderful and Christian-y, when in reality I should be pursuing greatness in God.

I’m not sure if that completely makes sense, and I am still trying to understand.  But I think when I say greatness in God, or greatness in his Kingdom I don’t mean being super-Christian with the über successful K-Life with tons of growth or pastor of a huge mega-church.  But I mean greatness in God’s standards.  Being a man after God’s own heart.  Being a man pursuing absolute truth in Christ versus what is most popular or can make my ministry and success grow in the eyes of a community.  I don’t want greatness that’s half American dream and half Jesus.  I want all of the Jesus part.  The greatness in God’s terms.  And if that means a small ministry and a humble position of serving others, then wonderful.  I don’t want to be anywhere else.

Studying Philippians for this months series at K-Life has been a much needed reminder of the importance of Joy.  And more importantly having joy and allowing it to work itself out in your life despite whether or not you are happy or pleased with your circumstances.

I believe most men & women who claim to love God also desire to be something of an example to those around them; to be a living encouragement & whatnot to those around them.  The more I learn, the more I see the absolute necessity to pursue Truth all the more — whether it works itself out in developing that inner peace, that unshakable, calm character that relaxes people around you — or if it works its way even farther into becoming a joy that exudes from your demeanor.  I genuinely think that’s what can make a person attractive to others, whether believers, seekers, or people who hate Christians.  I guess there is a purpose to zealot Christianity, but with the upcoming generations of 20 and 30 year olds, that doesn’t seem to work.  But when our character is unflinching and true to itself, that is respectable.  Then on top of that, when we are steadfast with the addition of genuine joy, not just happiness (which is circumstantial), we can become those people whom attract others easily and can love them in spite of the turn of events we may find ourselves in.

I hope for myself — that I can mature this attitude in me.  So my ministry with K-Life can be the most effective it can, while not destroying my enthusiasm for this lifestyle.

I want to find peace –

It’s been tough for me lately because I haven’t found that balance between working too much and taking time to really ‘rest in God’.  I’ve been planning a talk for K-Life next week on ‘God as Peace’ — and it’s been good because the whole talk is based around John 15 — Where Jesus is talking to His disciples about living in His love, in His peace.  Letting the Truth abide in them, and letting themselves abide in the Truth.  To me that sounds like perfect and wonderful peace.  It’s almost pains me to be studying it for this talk because it makes it more real to me how terrible I am at doing this.  I don’t rest in that Truth and peace as much as I wish I could.  I know that it would make every little worry disappear — because the promise in John 15 is that in abiding in Christ’s love & peace, Joy will be made complete.  The world will still exist along with it’s worries, but they wouldn’t be my biggest focus, because my joy would be real.  That joy would keep everything else in perspective.  It’s too easy for me to keep overwhelmed at being busy and then spend no time for me to rest, and rest in Christ not just be lazy.  But ironically it’s the thing I crave more than anything else.  Rest & Peace in Christ, which I know would transfer into complete Joy in life.  So anyway, that’s my prayer for you and for me — that we can genuinely experience & know the peace of God.

I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
– Jesus (via John 10:10b)

“people don’t really want to be saved from their sin; they want to be saved only from the penalty of their sin.  they don’t genuinely hate sin & aren’t truly sorry for it; they’re merely sorry because God is going to punish them — people don’t really believe that this new life Jesus offers is better than the old sinful one.”
– Francis Chan

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i could re-write that using ‘brian’ instead of ‘people’ but that would be redundant.

i would love to come up with some educated pretentious way of explaining my lack of belief in the Gospel, but that would be pathetic.  i am however going to try this whole meditating on scripture thing.

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“Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives.”
– galatians 5:25 (the message)