Bittersweet

Last night we finished our Foster Classes.  It really is way more bittersweet than we expected.

It was 9 weeks, every Monday night, 6-9pm.  Clara and I rode together every Monday, I would drop Clara off in Clayton & then head west to Chesterfield for work.  Then at 4:30pm do it in reverse, grab a fast dinner, get back to Des Peres for 3 hours of Class.  After class, we always chatted with friends we made & then we headed home for Clara to pack lunches and get to bed.  I would head out to Mom’s to pick up Beau (the Border Collie) who had been picked up by Mom on her way home from work.  Usually I (Brian) would hit the sack around 11.  Mondays were LONG days.  But they were so good.

And last night was the last of those 9 weeks.  It flew by.  Even with me (Brian) getting antsy sitting still so long, we loved being there.  We loved the 17 other people in class with us along with our 3 instructors.  Our entire group grew into more of a team, a support group, knowing that we will need others who understand what Foster Care is truly like & the struggles it will inevitably bring.

We walked away with very little anxiety or apprehension of the future.  We drove down 270 South last night going home talking about how much our faith will grow during this.  We aren’t perfect (or even close), we aren’t rich, we both have full-time jobs, we don’t have a huge home (and it still needs repairs!), we aren’t expert parents, we are not counselors or doctors.  And that is all okay.  When God called us to love kids in Foster Care, He didn’t expect us to be 100% prepared and have it all together.  Why not?  Because God does have it all together — we don’t have to.  We just are called to trust Him and keep taking steps forward.  Talk about a relief — we can surrender all the fear, anxiety, uneasiness and apprehension toward ‘fear of the unknown’ and just trust that it will NOT be perfect or clean, but God is good — and He is faithful.  We are going to choose to trust that, every day.

I’ll (Brian) admit, I struggle with this a lot.  I like to strategize, and figure things out ahead of time.  Things like:

  • What if our house doesn’t have enough space?
  • Do we need a Minivan?
  • What happens if we can’t save enough money for the roof or A/C we’ll eventually need?
  • We need to get the bathroom fixed ASAP!
  • How will we handle it if something happens during the day and we’re at work?
  • Where will kids go to school?

They are ‘valid’ things to consider, but inevitably foolish to stress about when they are in the future & I can’t really do anything to control them. So we decided last night to continually surrender the future, the things we can’t anticipate & certainly can’t prepare for — it doesn’t do us any good.  The only thing that will do us any good is to ask God to prepare us, give us patience & wisdom to handle what will come, whatever it may be.

In complete unexpected honesty, it is an exciting place to be.

Advertisements

Final Homestudy — Check!

Tonight our Social Worker came for our final homestudy. It’s so hard to believe that we are on the downward slope of getting licensed! We are feeling so many emotions, but excitement is at the top of the list!

As of right now, we are looking at being licensed and ready to take in children by the first of the year. We are excited about that timing. It’s hard to not be anxious and wanting everything to happen faster, but we are resting in God’s promise that his timing is perfect. In 3 weeks we will finish our classes and celebrate all that the Lord has done in us with the other 17 people in our class. I️ love how he brought the 19 of us together to walk through these classes together. I love that soon there will be TEN Christian homes ready and willing to usher children into their homes on some of their darkest days. I am overwhelmed with gratitude at times when I️ think about that! One of the couples from our classes live near us, and the husband went to Central, where I️ teach!

Another couple has adopted 6 kids and is ready to bring more kids into their home. The husband is a handyman and will be able to help Brian do small repairs in one of our bathrooms and help him replace the bathtub! It’s so neat how the Lord connects us and brings us all together. It doesn’t hurt that Saint Louis is such a ‘small’ big city. The Christian community has a lot of fun connections! It has been so sweet to share life with this group of people.

We are still feeling so loved and supported by all of our friends and family. Thank you for joining us on this journey and for loving us so well by touching base and asking us how things are going. It really means so much.