Often I struggle to know what to share, what to write down, what to record. There are so many things that happen every day with the kids (and everything else). People remind us how important it is to share our story, but I don’t always see it. We are so very ordinary.
After all, we wake up early & groggy in a regular home, a normal quiet neighborhood, load up our stuff and the kids & drive to work like everyone else, work hard all day long, then hop in the heavy flow of traffic toward home, feed the kids & play for awhile, hurry to finish chores after the kids are in bed, then rather anti-climatically, we crash pretty early and repeat the process the next morning. (p.s. that long run-on sentence is sometimes what life feels like now!) From the zoomed out view, it’s all rather trite and mundane. But when I take the time to think, I know that isn’t true. I know that when I make the time to breathe, to rest and slow down — God allows me to see all the beautiful ways our life has changed forever. (another p.s. — I don’t think this is exclusive to our lives as Foster Parents, but all of us…)
Of course our life is chaotic, but there are so many beautiful moments. Moments like when we are sitting in traffic and little brother starts up a very joyful, yet indistinguishable song — then little sister joins in. They are both loud, off pitch, can’t really speak words yet, and it is perfect. We also have so many sweet moments of both kids sitting in their beloved wagon, going for a walk in the neighborhood — both will be giggling, laughing, pointing at every critter and creature they see & waving at all the neighbors and shouting ‘bye!’ — please note, they’re saying ‘bye’ not ‘hi’ — it’s cute and bizarre. I certainly cannot forget the sheer glee little brother has when he sees a garbage truck — it’s as though there is no other happiness in the world aside from that trash truck. There are countless other beautiful moments — and often, I fail to cherish them. I often fail as a father to look back throughout the day and ponder and reflect. I get task-oriented and move on to the next item without giving myself the grace to enjoy the tremendous blessing this all has been to us thus far.
Truthfully, I want a different life — maybe a new way of living. I don’t want to live in a manner that I don’t enjoy & cherish the memories as they’re being made. I don’t want to be so focused on being efficient and getting things done that I miss out on the daily miracles in our home & lives. So now that I am realizing this a bit more clearly, I need to make some changes (although I suspect I will come to this realization more than once, as I have wanted to slow down and enjoy before & at some point after, allowed myself to get swept up in the hustle and bustle).
We are nearing 4 months into this little adventure with Thing 1 and Thing 2 — and I don’t want to look back in a year, or five years or 15 years and not have tried to experience all the beautiful, miraculous things God is doing in these kids (and our) lives each day.
So here’s to a fresh refocus on my part — and an exploration in setting new boundaries for myself and learning once more, to prioritize well. In the spirit of new beginnings — I want to cling to these passages from Scripture and hope they help me focus on the restoration God can, and wants to bring — I will pray for His help to surrender well.
Perhaps our life is ordinary — but if we slow down, it’s in the ordinary that I believe God shows us the most beautiful things. He is able to make ordinary broken people & their lives quite beautiful when we surrender and trust Him completely. He is redeeming the world around us, He is making things new each morning and bringing joy to our normal, ordinary, seemingly humdrum & unremarkable lives. And for that, I am grateful today.
Lamentations 3:22-23 CSB:
“Because of the Lord’s faithful love
we do not perish,
for his mercies never end.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness!”
Psalm 30:4-5 ESV:
“Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.”