To our Family & Friends — we have a sincere prayer need.
Clara & I hold our cards pretty close, trying not to over-share the perils we have experienced in “Foster World” and generally seek to share the blessings. We don’t want family & friends to panic, knowing we can’t and don’t want to share every detail. Likewise, it’s never been helpful to dwell on the negative.
That said, we truly need prayer. There is so much uncertainty in the plan for our kids to be home with us forever. It is agonizing to feel as though we are closer, and then in one text message, phone call or sentence — everything changes again. Hope seems crushed and the timeline becomes more and more elusive.
We live in a sort of “in-between” place. We live between the black and white — in the many obnoxious and ever changing shades of gray. It plays itself out in many ways, and when we speak of the beautiful life we have, we truly mean that. But with the same breath, we sense the fragility of our beautiful life with our children. So really we live life like this list below:
- We are concerned, but we know God is faithful.
- We are exhausted, but we rest in every morning’s new mercies.
- We want kids adopted, and we know God is growing us in the waiting.
- We live in constant chaos & uncertainty, but God is good.
- We are terrified, yet confident in God’s providence.
- We are anxious, and hopeful.
- We are frustrated, but we are content.
- We are not okay, but we ARE okay.
- We want this to be over, but trust in God’s timing.
- We weep without knowing exactly why, and we laugh with full joy.
- We are doubters, but God is ALWAYS good.
We live this weird in-between life — it’s painful and beautiful in the same breath.
There are many great songs by Andrew Peterson, but one that always comes to mind is a recent song, “Always Good”. You should really listen to the whole song, because the few lines I will copy over will not have the full effect:
- “Somehow this sorrow is shaping my heart like it should”
- “Well it’s so hard to know what You’re doing. Why won’t You tell it all plain?”
- “So maybe the answer surrounds us. But we don’t have eyes to see”
- “This heartache is moving me closer than joy ever could”
- “As we try to believe what is not meant to be understood”
- “Will You help us to trust Your intentions for us are still good?”
To be fair, that’s a majority of the song… but it always comes back around to “You’re Always Good”. And in the midst of the fear, the frustration, the impatience, the laughter, the joy & the sorrow — we need reminders like that. Because honestly, we lack the words to process our emotions and thoughts sometimes.
So we humbly ask, please pray for our little family. We tend to shy away from asking for prayer so we don’t cause undue concern in our community (so many of you graciously care about our kids with all your hearts) — but we are long overdue in asking for our family and friends to pray boldly for our children to be officially home. If you can, please pray for us.