We are long overdue for a Maloy Family post… lots of chaos lately! But a thought struck me this week that I needed to sit down and get out of me (and share with you).
We have had our share of ups and downs in our 6 months of being Foster Parents, and we have certainly had more than our share of blessings. That said, I will be honest — we would absolutely love to adopt our kids. We cannot imagine life without them now, even though everything has changed so drastically. But adoption for us is not a certainty. There are a lot of details we cannot share — but suffice it to say, there are many hoops to jump through and we need to allow the system to handle it appropriately, and if the opportunity comes, we will certainly adopt.
But, this is hard. We kiss our kids goodnight, tuck them in, and then check on them half a dozen times before we hit the sack — and there is no promise that they’ll be there in a year, or even a month. That’s just the reality of Foster Care. It is hard.
I give all this “vague” backstory to tell you this — it is hard for me as a Dad. I want to protect my family, I want to protect my kids. I believe Dads/Husbands/Men are called to protect and sacrifice for those around them. I would do everything in my ability to make this happen for my family, my wife, and my children. But with my kids, it’s very difficult to guarantee I can protect them forever. I may not be able to protect them from whatever the outcome is in their particular case. I hope it’s in their best interest, and I hope that means adoption with us — but there is NO guarantee I can protect them from what could happen in the future.
Now this is not an ominous blog post, and this is not a soapbox about the Foster Care System — this is simply me, a Foster Dad, sharing my heart about the struggle I have each day (especially when I am reminded of the uncertainty of my fatherhood), and the difficulty in not being able to protect my kids from whatever uncertainty may come in their lives.
It is really hard. But it has taught me (again) the deep importance in surrender. That I must trust this to God. I cannot manipulate, control or change the situation. I can simply love and protect my kids each day and surrender the worry of the future to God. It’s a very unsettling and very peaceful place to be.
One thought on “Protector”
I totally understand as I worry everyday for the five that have already come and gone. We’re lucky enough to get to see/ hear from 2 of them on a regular basis but even still…
Where I was able to find peace is doing my best to teach my kids and their families that my home is always open to them, I will always answer the call and do what I can to help them get help if they need it. But they are always welcome at my table, and I pray that one day on either side of heaven this God-sent, God-made family gets to sit down together and share a meal of celebration for all the blessings God’s dancing each of us along the way.