We are just slightly over a month into this new adventure. It’s mind-boggling to consider all the changes in such a short amount of time.
- There are baby gates everywhere in our home
- Thanks to baby-proofing — no one, including adults, can open any drawers in the kitchen
- All door knobs are harder to open with kid-safe handles
- We sleep very lightly thinking every noise is a kiddo waking up!
- Dad has gotten to be a master of getting two kids loaded and unloaded into the truck for school
- Mom is master of being two steps ahead of any possible kiddo meltdowns
- Cookies & kid snacks are hidden in all bags, coats, car, etc…
- There really is no such thing as ‘free time’ anymore… or staying up late!
- And SO many more…
And every one of those changes is totally worth it. Because these kids are a gift, a treasure to take care of and love well. For now, whether forever or not, we are their family, their Mom & Dad, their home.
I am convinced, even after a month, it is incredibly difficult (if not impossible) to really love kids the way they need to be loved without getting attached. Kids need the reassurance & confidence of a home, family & unconditional love — and it’s difficult to give those things and keep the children at a safe distance where you (and the kids) don’t get attached. You could give them a safe place, bed and food — but if they do not feel safe, supported, affirmed, loved & that they are home — it is lacking. Kids need to know they are home. But that means you AND the kids will get attached, because that is what home does to us — it draws us in & makes us safe — we want to abide & remain.
I say all of that (and it’s wordy…) because it is incredibly tough to live in the anguish & torment of a VERY unknown future. Now of course we all know that nothing is guaranteed and each day is a gift — but rarely do we really live that way. But with our kids future so full of uncertainty, we are faced with that terrible in-between every single day. We don’t know if the kids will get to stay with us and we don’t know what their Mom’s future holds — but we do know they are a gift. They are a gift from God, a treasure that we are to cherish & love as long as we can. If that is for a short time (which is a painful thought) or if it is forever (hard for different reasons) — we promised to love those kids and raise them in the Lord for as long as the Lord had them in our home. It is painful to consider the outcomes (for a lot of reasons), but we will lean on the Lord & trust His will — because we want to, and because honestly, we have no other choice.
There is a song, by Andrew Peterson, that you would do well to listen to — it’s called “You Can Always Come Home”. It’s on one of the kids albums I have downloaded on my phone and it is excellent. I can’t listen to the song & sing-along without tearing up. Here’s a link to go listen (it’s a random video of someone’s kiddo, but the song is excellent:
One thought on “Terrible In-Between”
I dare anyone to take in one of these and not be attached thebfirst time they hug you. My prayers for you and your family.